|
Dear reader, To me, the answer to this is so simple that I’ve kept second guessing myself, forcing myself to look at it another way. And yet, I keep ending up at the same place. That place is this: OF COURSE YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH THE WIVES OF YOUR HUSBAND’S FRIENDS! Yes, I was shouting that. Sorry. But don’t we as women have enough to worry about without adding this sort of nonsense to our list? You’ve stated below that you’re happy to hang out 'as families'. I imagine in addition to this there will be Larry’s 50th birthday party to suffer through as well as a hideous couples-weekend in Lorne “just because”. If you’re able to survive the small talk of those, you’re kicking goals in my opinion. For the record, I have a friendly relationship with many of the wives and husbands of Christian’s friends, but I’m not close to any. I have my own friends, he has his. We get together for aforementioned 50th birthdays (and we have a whale of a time!) but otherwise we happily pretend these people don’t exist apart from the odd time we run into them at Woollies at 9pm on a Sunday night while wearing Ugg Boots and clutching a bag of toilet paper. Wait… Is this not the norm? Strike that, I don’t care. It’s my normal. As for you, I’m still wondering if there is more to this. To get to the bottom of it, I’ve developed a fun Q and A: Q) Do you expect your husband to be friends with your friends’ spouses - not just at group gatherings but also one on one? Yes ) In this case, you must reciprocate. You also must go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and scream at yourself “what in God’s name is wrong with me?!” (Optional but encouraged: you can also slap yourself in the face) No) In this case, go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and scream at yourself “what in God’s name am I going to do this weekend, because I’m sure as shit not going to be hanging out with Charlie’s friends’ wives?” Q) Is the pressure to socialise with these wives coming from your husband, or from you? If it’s coming from your husband ) abstain from sex until he comes down from whatever he’s been smoking. If it’s coming from you ) go and smoke whatever he was smoking with your actual friends rather than your husband’s friends’ wives. Q) Do you truly think it would truly impact your husband’s friendship if you weren’t friends with his friend’s spouse? No it wouldn’t. It might make life easier for him, but it’s not a make or break for his friendship ) Great. Let him manage his own friendships then, and you go manage yours. Yes it would ) Not your problem. Tell him to make better friends (or friends with better wives). Wasn’t that fun? It made me want to go and scream things at the mirror and smoke things. Now, one more thing before I go. In regards to how to say it, I was going to recommend: “Thank you so much for the invitation, Susan, but I’m not going to make it” or “Honestly, my schedule is pretty full of social commitments right now, but thanks for thinking of me.” But you mentioned that being honest didn’t work. I have to admit… I don’t quite understand how this couldn’t work. Did the friend’s wife grab you by the throat and force you to go out dancing? If so, I would definitely get the police involved. If she merely seemed displeased or tried to find another date for dancing, I would repeat (politely) that unfortunately your social calendar is full right now, but you are looking forward to seeing her at Woollies next Sunday night in your Ugg Boots. It might be a little awkward in the short term, but learning to have boundaries is a skill that will come back to bless you tenfold. Peace (all the smoking has gone to my head), Sally x
|
