Hi Sally,

I recently completed a biography of my life story. I had it printed and received it recently in the mail. I was so proud of my achievement and my family are all eager to read it.

Of course my husband was the first. I asked him his opinion and he was clearly upset about a chapter I had written about an incident that involved him and another female some 12 years ago. My family are all totally aware of the indiscretion. He commented "You could have left it out"… it seemingly paints him as a "Bastard" and yes he was! Am I in the wrong? Should I have left out this chapter? It is part of my life story, and it had a significant impact on me What would you do?

Love,

Confused

Dear Confused,

It turns out it doesn’t really matter what I think because THE GROUP HAS SPOKEN. (On Instagram).

The indiscretion stays. 

Sorry, I don’t make the rules. 

(Actually I literally do. But never mind that.)

Let’s back up. I’ll admit, I was on the fence about this, at first. If you had left Philandering Husband (for the purposes of this letter, we’ll call him PH) then obviously it would have been much more straightforward. But, as you are still married to PH, my mind went to things such as the potential strain on the marriage, and the effect on children of the marriage. 

I wish I’d caught myself here. 

Caught myself expecting YOU to take responsibility for potential strain on the marriage by writing this book. 

Caught myself expecting YOU to take measures to protect the children from any discomfort caused by PH.

Caught myself expecting YOU to not only to forgive but to bury the indiscretion.

DID I HAVE A SMALL STROKE? 

When did we decide that women, and mothers, were the fall guy for everything? When did we decide that we were the ones supposed to fall on the sword no matter what? Is PH falling on any swords? Doesn’t sound like it. 

Should we help him out? (Ahem. Sorry.)

Thankfully, when I posted the dilemma on Instagram, my followers quickly showed me the error of my ways.

Here are a few of my favourites comments:

“Get out your own laptop if you’re so offended, Barry!”

“I’m going to show this to my husband as a warning. I may write a biography one day!”

“He did the crime, he can do the time.”

“Leave it in! Bad luck, Chuck, I say.”

Quite right, too. 

I’ll close with my favourite comment, from my friend and fellow author Tori Haschka, who quoted the great Anne Lamott. 

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them they should have behaved better.”

Sorry, PH. On the upside, we didn’t decide to gather around you and throw stones, Handmaid-style. If I were you, I’d count myself  lucky.

Sally x

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I’m funny on Instagram.